My daughter's school hosted a "Grandparents / Grand-Friends Day" on Friday. We had asked their grandfather, but he wasn't able to go due to working 6, sometimes 7 days a week - Fridays are his usual day off but he sometimes picks up extra hours at his 2nd job. I totally understood why he couldn't make it. MIL lives in NY, and well...she's a flake. She's met my oldest daughter 2, maybe 3 times? Hasn't seen my youngest daughter except once when she was only a month old. My parents died so long ago it seems. My mom when I was 12, my dad when I was 16. I'll be 30 in a few months.
We got the form home to "RSVP" but after that it wasn't even a thought - until we pulled up to school drop-off and I realized why there were so many extra cars along the road. Once we all realized the reason, she started crying - she didn't want to be the "only one without a grandparent" - I felt awful. Immediately. I cried in the drop-off line too. She needs a grandparent. She needs a GRANDMA. Not only am I disappointed that her grandmother isn't worth a sneeze, I'm sad that my life hasn't been able to gift her with grandparents from my side. I am sad that it all falls on my FIL, which isn't fair to him. He is an amazing guy who goes above & beyond when he can, he has gone out of his comfort zone many times to be the grandfather that he is, but realistically he can't do it all 100% all of the time.
Tonight I see a post on Facebook about talking to your mother relieves stress, things like that. The first comment on that post (I'm a comment-stalker, forgive me lol) was someone who just lost their mother a couple of years ago. Her comment mentioned that mother's teach us everything except how to live without them. It broke my heart. When I lost my mom at 12, might I add that I was adopted by my biological grandparents but when I refer to mom I mean my biological grandmother...it was a tough time. My way to cope was to always just act like it was normal for me and life went on. But I realize now as an adult, as a mom myself to 2 daughters, that I NEED MY MOM. I know my bio-mom...obviously, she's my "sister"...we weren't ever close until long after, we're still not super close but have had our moments...just never felt of her as a "mother" to me, mainly because of my own resentments towards her.
It just sucks. I feel awful that I haven't provided her with grandparents from my own side. I feel awful about having to put "all the pressure" on my FIL. I feel awful that I can't stand up to my MIL to tell her that she is, more or less, a POS for never being around and always having a fucking excuse.
9 out of 10 times we make it work. But God Damnit if that 10th time doesn't sting like a bitch.
I want a mom. I want my kids to have a grandma. I want my kids to have a "grandfriend" to show-up for school functions. I want them to have a grandparent that they can stay a weekend with so mommy & daddy can get a few hours of a date night or do something around the house without feeling stressed/overwhelmed/snappy at the kids who don't deserve it.
As fucked up as it is, I don't necessarily miss having my parents - I have grown up and lived my entire adult life without them. That is normal to me. But I miss them for my kids. And I think that hurts almost worse than losing them in the first place.
We got the form home to "RSVP" but after that it wasn't even a thought - until we pulled up to school drop-off and I realized why there were so many extra cars along the road. Once we all realized the reason, she started crying - she didn't want to be the "only one without a grandparent" - I felt awful. Immediately. I cried in the drop-off line too. She needs a grandparent. She needs a GRANDMA. Not only am I disappointed that her grandmother isn't worth a sneeze, I'm sad that my life hasn't been able to gift her with grandparents from my side. I am sad that it all falls on my FIL, which isn't fair to him. He is an amazing guy who goes above & beyond when he can, he has gone out of his comfort zone many times to be the grandfather that he is, but realistically he can't do it all 100% all of the time.
Tonight I see a post on Facebook about talking to your mother relieves stress, things like that. The first comment on that post (I'm a comment-stalker, forgive me lol) was someone who just lost their mother a couple of years ago. Her comment mentioned that mother's teach us everything except how to live without them. It broke my heart. When I lost my mom at 12, might I add that I was adopted by my biological grandparents but when I refer to mom I mean my biological grandmother...it was a tough time. My way to cope was to always just act like it was normal for me and life went on. But I realize now as an adult, as a mom myself to 2 daughters, that I NEED MY MOM. I know my bio-mom...obviously, she's my "sister"...we weren't ever close until long after, we're still not super close but have had our moments...just never felt of her as a "mother" to me, mainly because of my own resentments towards her.
It just sucks. I feel awful that I haven't provided her with grandparents from my own side. I feel awful about having to put "all the pressure" on my FIL. I feel awful that I can't stand up to my MIL to tell her that she is, more or less, a POS for never being around and always having a fucking excuse.
9 out of 10 times we make it work. But God Damnit if that 10th time doesn't sting like a bitch.
I want a mom. I want my kids to have a grandma. I want my kids to have a "grandfriend" to show-up for school functions. I want them to have a grandparent that they can stay a weekend with so mommy & daddy can get a few hours of a date night or do something around the house without feeling stressed/overwhelmed/snappy at the kids who don't deserve it.
As fucked up as it is, I don't necessarily miss having my parents - I have grown up and lived my entire adult life without them. That is normal to me. But I miss them for my kids. And I think that hurts almost worse than losing them in the first place.
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